i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
