I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did I show you my penis last night?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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