My cat gives me a boner
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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