lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
