what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
