"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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