How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
