Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
