Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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