in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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