I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
