And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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