i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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