my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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