imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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