Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
