I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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