I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
