He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drake has all the answers
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
