if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
