she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
