I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
