every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
