I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Boobs speak an international language.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
