we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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