we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
