awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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