she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
