I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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