You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
