Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
