There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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