he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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