So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I supernannyed him into submission
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
