Pants 0. Shit 1.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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