It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
