dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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