I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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