I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
