The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
