i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
