Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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