Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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