We should be called the Road Head Warriors
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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