Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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