WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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