I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize