Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
