I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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