No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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