i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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