I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I said "one day" and that day is not today
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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