I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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