Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize