Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
