i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sober January is a disaster.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
