Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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